Billie Eilish's experience before writing Barbie songs

Billie Eilish went through a tough time before dropping her track 'Barbie.' She calls it a "dark episode" when life just didn't add up for her.

Billie Eilish's song "What Was I Made For?" marked a significant musical moment in 2023, but she revealed it emerged from one of the lowest points in her life.

At the Palm Springs Film Awards on January 4, the 22-year-old singer shared her struggles with dark thoughts while accepting the Chairman's Award alongside her brother and co-writer, Finneas. Eilish expressed that any acclaim the song receives should be dedicated to those grappling with hopelessness, existential dread, and questioning the purpose and meaning of their existence.

"I believe there are moments when everyone experiences such feelings, but considering my own circumstances with the considerable privilege I possess and the remarkable opportunities I've been fortunate to have, there were times when I truly didn't want to exist," Eilish expressed. "Apologies for the somber tone. However, I've invested a significant amount of time grappling with those emotions."

Eilish then offered words of support for those facing similar mental health challenges. "Exercise patience with yourself," she advised. "Recognize that, in my opinion, it's all worthwhile. There was a prolonged period where I didn't hold that sentiment, but now, I genuinely believe it's good to be alive."

In her acceptance speech, Eilish revealed that she was going through a "dark episode" when Greta Gerwig, the director of Barbie, approached her and Finneas, 26, to compose a song for the film. Reflecting on this challenging period, Eilish explained, "Things didn't make sense in life. I just didn't understand what the point was and why you would keep going. Just questioning everything in the world."

Eilish, who had previously disclosed that she and Finneas had a private viewing of preliminary footage from Barbie to inform the creation of the song "What Was I Made For?", shared that during this preview, she observed Margot Robbie's Barbie "say and feel things that I really, really, really resonated with and felt so close to."

Expressing her connection with Barbie's existential struggles, Eilish conveyed, "I felt so seen by Barbie’s existential dread." She went on to describe the film as "the most incredible, most empowering, beautiful, funny, and just unbelievable piece of art in the world," expressing deep gratitude for being a part of it.

The singer of "Bad Guy" has been transparent regarding her battles with mental health and coping with comments that body-shame her. In 2018, she disclosed being in a Berlin hotel room where she contemplated suicide. Reflecting on that difficult moment, she recalled, "I remember there was a window right there. I remember crying because I was thinking about how the way that I was going to die was, I was going to do it."

As it enters the 2024 awards season, "What I Was Made For" is poised with several nominations. The song has made the shortlist for the Best Original Song category at the 96th Academy Awards, anticipating an official nomination when the announcements are made on January 23. Additionally, the track has secured five nominations at the 2024 Grammys, spanning categories such as Record of the Year, Song of the Year, Best Song Written for Visual Media, Best Music Video, and Best Pop Solo Performance.